Friday, May 2, 2014

The "C" word

I was taking a mush needed and desired nap after church this last Sunday. The boy was swaddled and sung-as-a-bug right beside me. I vaguely remember N coming and telling me she wanted to cuddle too and joining our nap for a bit as well.

Not too long, I think, after that I rolled to my right and see N crouched on the floor. Grougly, I think to myself, "Can't she be a bit more quieter? I'm trying to nap!". As if on cue she ups and leaves my bedroom. But then it hits me. "Isn't that where my make-up bag is?" (Bathroom under construction = all bathroom products are on the floor on my side of the bed.)

I jolt out of bed and head to the hall bathroom. And there my three girls are. The oldest with my lip stick, the middle with a uni-brow, and my youngest with mascara rubbed over her face and my blush in hand.

What do I do? Did I reach for the camera and snap a shot to post on Facebook and share with family and friends? Did I double over? Did I give a lesson in cosmetology? No. What I did do was ask, "Why?" and not just asked but pleaded and demanded an answer. I snatched my make-up out of their hands and contiuded to ask "Why?! Why would you do this?!"

Todd heard my pleads and hurried up-stairs.

I annoyingly returned my make-up back to it's bag on the floor by my bed started to wonder the house letting him deal with the situation. I started to panic, my anxiety rearing it's ugly head. SO before I went into full panic mode I went from bathroom to bathroom collecting towels to wash. I started the laundry. I went to my bedroom and started to organize my clothes, hung up the piles in front of my closet and then just sat there.

Todd came in and shut the door and proceeded to tell me the punishment he delt the girls. Observing my controlled breathing he asked me what was wrong.

I spilled.

Why can't I be one of those moms who runs for the camera? Why couldn't I laugh myself silly at the uni-brow and raccoon eyes? Why didn't I take the lip stick and fix Y's lop-sided grin? Why couldn't I be more like all of them? Oh I dared to COMPARE!

I know, I know. We are all different and it's not fair to ourselves or anyone else to compare but it happens. More often then I'd admit. 

Todd listened and he helped me organize my thoughts so we could both understand what I was trying to convey.  It took the entire evening.  Finally, right before bed, Todd said something that just clicked,
  "Dear, no sane person would ever judge themselves against another person.  We're too complicated for that.  No two people have had the same life experience, and no two people are alike, so why bother trying to rate yourself against someone else?"

It was just what I needed to hear to get me in the frame of mind to listen.

To Be Continued....

Why I'm (still) a Mormon

I don't expect much more to ever be posted on this blog, and I'm largely just posting this to share it with some particular friends....