Friday, July 17, 2009

Insomnia, and not knowing what to do with it

I am an insomniac. I always have been--from the days when I could first talk, I nearly drove my mother mad with the words, "I awake!"

I don't like to sleep. That's the core of it. I can sleep, when I want to--but I never want to. I always feel like I'm wasting my time. I think its because I'm addicted to discovery.

Late at night, when no one is around to talk to you or bother you is often the best time to be alone with your thoughts. Take right now for instance--I just discovered a new strategy for a video game, got bored, and now I'm left here to think about whatever interests me (in this case, it's carbon "bucky-balls"). If only sleep could always be like meditation--relaxing and peaceful, but productive.

Alas, when I do sleep, I have strange dreams of going to a football game with Guido Van Rossum (he invented the programing language that I primarily use). Why can't it be more like "exploring the mechanisms of a firearm?" or looking into the detailed composition of different medicinal chemicals and seeing how they react with the body? No, instead, I get a football game--something that I've never particularly enjoyed, and certainly have never had a serious interest in.

That's why I hate sleep--I hate where it takes my mind. Never controlled--rarely entertaining, and always random. It just seems so unproductive. Maybe I should learn the da'vinci sleep patterns--but I think it'd kill me if I tried. Anyways, I took a sleep aide about two hours ago, and it just now is kicking in (it's only supposed to take 30 minutes!)

Feel free to post any alternatives to sleep that you've found.

Why I'm (still) a Mormon

I don't expect much more to ever be posted on this blog, and I'm largely just posting this to share it with some particular friends....